Sometimes it just hits me. BAM! Right on the head. Like a ton a bricks. I’ll be mopping the floor on a Tuesday morning and BAM! …Ton a bricks. All of a sudden I think to myself: I’m a postulant. A REAL postulant with the Daughters of St. Paul.
Let me explain: My entire teenage life I’ve known the Daughters of St. Paul. I remember being 14 and meeting my very first Pauline Sister. (Who was Sr. Rebecca Marie, who now happens to be my postulant formator! Don’t tell me that God doesn’t have a sense of humor!) Ever since that day I imagined what life would be like as a postulant.
Granted, I DID make it sound super glamorous in my head. For example, I thought that once someone entered Postulancy they automatically loved getting up early and praying at the crack of dawn. I thought postulants always had a cheerful and sweet disposition that never waivered. I thought they were never tired or lazy or irritable. I distinctly remember mopping my kitchen floor one day and thinking, “If I were a postulant I would love mopping.” (Ha…) Not to mention the fact that postulants were “super kneelers”! These "kneeling powers" allowed them to kneel for hours at a time in deep prayer without pain or fatigue. I couldn’t wait.
… I remember waiting and daydreaming about Postulancy
And now, I find my self here. I’m a postulant. I live in Missouri and I’m a postulant with the Daughters of St. Paul. Sometimes I’ll just be mopping the floor and BAM… it hits me. "I AM A POSTULANT…and I’m mopping the floor at the convent…the convent where I live. ohmygoodness… I’ve been waiting for this for so long and now I’m here." It's in these moments that I can’t help but smile in bafflement at God’s mercy.
It’s definitely not a glamorous life…but it’s definitely a beautiful one! It’s one that requires sacrifices and a lot of love. Being a postulant doesn’t mean that I LOVE waking up before it’s even light out, but I do it because He called me here out of love and it’s only because of those early morning conversations with the Lord that I get through the day. Being a postulant doesn’t mean that I’m never tired or irritable, but when those problems arise I am reminded to ask for strength, endurance and patience. He is always there for me. Oh and believe me…there’s no such thing as “kneeling powers”. It’s all offered up for the sake of the Kingdom. ;)
Wow. I’m having a brick moment right now…BAM! I’m writing a blogpost and I’m a postulant. BAMMM!